The perfect solution

Repentance. Just hearing the word makes you have a sour face. There's that moment when you realize you know you've done something really stupid this time. There's that feeling of being trapped by the prospect of getting the classic I'm-Right-You're-Wrong look and suppressing that tremendous feeling of guilt. Then the battle rages on in your head with elaborate justifications flying through the air of your thoughts. "If they just understood my perspective..." "They should have just let me know..." It makes you think things might be better if we were all 4 years old.

Oops, that's the second sand castle today. I'll just say "Sorry." They'll love it.

When it comes to a life of faith, a walk with God, a relationship with the Almighty, or whatever you want to call it, repentance is probably considered the least fun out of all the things you might end up doing. I mean, there's praising, there's seeing miracles, there's meeting new people, there's giving glory through sports, and in the end there's going to Heaven. Maybe if repentance was more like playing sports people would make a two hour time slot every day just to repent with all their friends.

Hey! Don't hog the deep sense of guilt!

But the hard truth is that repentance, sincere repentance, is difficult. It sometimes takes time to see things from God's point of view. It sometimes takes effort to change your behavior. It sometimes even takes tears to receive a deep conviction. And sometimes, it takes you to the most uncomfortable places on earth. I'm sure many people have said these words or felt it in their heart: "I would rather go jump off a bridge than apologize to this person..."

But even if it's hard, it's still one of my favorite types of prayers. Why? Because repentance comes from the heart that says, "God, I want to be closer to you." "I know that I'm like this, but I want to be like that because you deserve better." "I know I did that and it hurt your heart, but I sincerely want to give you joy. Please, help me be a better person."

The reason I pray this way is because my head Pastor taught me in a way that I had never really heard before about repentance. I was always taught that either you repent once and that's it. Or, that repentance is something you do when you really, really can't help but do it. But when I started seeing repentance as a gift from God, it became something I really liked to do.

Think about this. You try to do something with all your might, but you fail. But because you have a strong mentality you get back up again with all your might -- only to fail again. Repeat that a thousand times and you might be left hopeless, ashamed, and a bit tired. It's possible that you might spend your entire lifetime on this one thing and never succeed.

This puzzle is easy. Try solving life.

Life is like that. You want to live it perfectly, but if you try to live it on your own you'll always get stuck on some problem. That's the limit of human intelligence. But if you listen to God's words and live trying to make His words your mentality by repenting, then even if problems come up, you can tackle them boldly because you know that you will eventually find the solution because God will help you.

Thanksgiving comes early

I apologize for the tremendously overdue post. I have been away for quite some time as I was attending a retreat in South Korea. I received so much grace and inspiration that I can't help but want to share. As I prayed about this post, I could only be thankful for everything that I had received and was inspired to share a thanksgiving prayer. Don't worry, I'll give you the shortened version so that you don't end up reading forever.

I get it, you're thankful.

God,
I am so thankful for all that you do for me. When I think about my life, I cannot help but see your love and be thankful endlessly.

When I wanted to go to Korea I did not have the money and I had no choice but to spend an entire summer of precious time working. But when I prayed to you with an earnest and sincere heart for many months you heard my prayer. Thank you God for listening to the pleas of a mere human being.

Though for many months my prayer seemed to go unanswered and my parents denied me any help when I first presented the idea, you never forgot the prayers I offered you and after two months, you moved my father's heart to pay for my ticket. Thank you for helping me value the gifts that you give me. Your thoughts are truly higher than my own.

But even then, out of the tremendous love in your heart, did not stop blessing me at this one point. You kept me safe until I reached Korea and provided a guide for me when I arrived. Before I even went to sleep on the first day you gave me a complete meal that took hours to prepare by inspiring the heart of another believer to want to share with me, a foreigner. Thank you for making realize the kind of love that you have for me continuously.

Though I only know how to say "Thank you" in Korean, you gave me an interpreter so I would never be lost. And even the times I was without an interpreter you helped me to understand people through the movements in my heart. Thank you God for never leaving my side.

I thank you for letting me contribute to your Will on earth by working to make a beautiful place of worship in the hot summer heat. Even though sweat ran down my forehead like bullets from a Tommy gun, you fed me and gave me water at the times I was most thirsty through other workers and prevented me from getting heat stroke. And through working you helped me to realize the value of that place of worship and understand the heart with which you first sacrificed for me Thank you.

God, during the retreat messages and times of praise it rained so much and I was really cold, but when I look back at that time I realize that you worked through the rain to make the performances even more beautiful. The times when the praise was intense you rained intensely upon us. The times when the praise was somber you rained a drizzle on us. It was truly miraculous. When I saw the performers give praise to you despite the rain I realized that your mentality is like that too. Thank you for letting me realize about you. You are a great God, My God. Thank you.

You did so much for me that it would take an entire day to list out everything. And yet, because you are so incredibly humble, you do not tell me directly and instead let me realize about each thing in detail. Most human beings are indignant if they do something for someone and receive nothing in return. But you are different. Thank you for showing me what humility really means.

You were with me until the very day I left and returned home. When I tried to catch the bus when I got back to the US, you moved the bus drivers heart to stop so that I would make it home on time. He almost left because the time had come, but by your grace you saved me so much time and trouble. Thank you God.

As I give thanks to you God I cannot help but be moved by how much you do for me. I could pray for another hour but then I would not be able to testify about your love and your heart to endlessly give. So please, let's do it together.

I give thanks to the heavenly father who loves me with all His heart. Amen.

Thanksgiving prayer is perhaps one of the most character-changing prayers one can offer other than a prayer of repentance. Also, just like people really enjoy being thanked for what they do, when you thank God, he wants to give you even more. What is sad is that in this world, and especially America, we tend to find things to complain about rather easily.

Hey, why did you give me so much food and make me look like this?

But the great thing about thanksgiving is that you can do it endlessly, for free. And as much as you do it, you become happier. Free happiness? I don't really need fries with that. Many people dream of winning the lottery because they essentially get everything for free for the rest of their lives. But a better dream than that is to become an endlessly thankful person.